Jayfeather Get's Into The Catnip!
by Rosa2377
Summary: Leafpool just stared at Jayfeather in utter horror. "IF YOU SNIFF THIS CRACKIN CATNIP IT'LL MAKE YOU 73 % LIKELY TO POOP OUT JELLYBEANS AND SEE A UNICORN IN OUTERSPACE!" I am sure you can tell it's a crack fic...
1. Chapter 1

WARNING:

EXTREME

CRACK

FIC!

Jayfeather went out into the forest blindly, using only his nose and hearing to guide him. All the sudden a yummy smell went to his nose and he followed it to the source. It was a plant of some source. He went down to sniff it and then realized it was catnip. Their was nothing he could do the catnip crack had made it's way up his nose and he was high!

He then ran all the way back up to camp and ran inside the medicine cat den. "Hello, Jayfeath-" Leafpool was cut off as jay feather somehow grabbed the catnip with his paws and shoved it down her throat. "

EAT DA fuDGING CATNIP BWITCH, I SAID EAT WHY U NO LISTENING GWRL COME ON" Jaayfeather yelled at her his blind eyes bulging and red as leaf pool hacked on the catnip. He then somehow took it out of her throat and shoved it in her face "SMELL DA CATNIP NOW OR I'LL CALL THE PARTY COP AND MAKE HIM POOP ON YOUR HEAD WITH SPRINKLES!" Leafpool just stared at Jayfeather in utter horror. "IF YOU SNIFF THIS CRACKIN CATNIP IT'LL MAKE YOU 73 % LIKELY TO POOP OUT JELLYBEANS AND SEE A UNICORN IN OUTERSPACE!" All the sudden Jayfeather grabbed a packet of skittles and slapped her across the face with the skittles."TASTE THE RAINBOW BWITCH!" Leafpool then lied on the ground dead with a giant K.O. above her head. He then cackled evilly before running into camp and killing everyone with the same thing of skittles. "SKITTLES BE DA BEST DORITOS IN THE WORLD WITH DA MOPPY CHEESE OF NARIA!"

All the sudden Lionblaze got up moaning cause he can't die."ZOMBIEZ DIE YOU ZOMBIEZ YOU NO EAT MEH BRAINZ WITH SKITTLES ON TOP!" Lionblaze gave him the WTF DUDE face before getting bwitch slapped by Jayfeather. "OH NO YOU DIDN'T GWRL!" Lionblaze said getting his orange girl wig and makeup. Yes, Lionblaze was a cross dresser. Jayfeather then attempted to lick Lionblaze.

"MILEY CYRUS!" Lionblaze shrieked in a girl voice before getting a hammer and bashing Jayfeather's head in. Jayfeather then started bleeding jello. The jello then strangely looked like Tigerstar's face expect if he was on meth. The jello then started talking to Lionblaze. "GRWL U NEED TO GET DOWN TO THE DARK FOREST AND CROSS DRESS WITH ME AND MEH BOYFREWND DARKSTRIPE!" Tigerstar giggled out (YES GIGGLED OUT!) "OKAY GWRL BE DOWN THEIR SOON AFTER I APPLY MEH BEAUTY FACE!" Lionblaze said in his best sexy face and voice. Lionblaze then ate the jello. "AAAAAH CANNIBAL, CANNIBAL, SAVE ME MOMMY!" Tigerstar then died after Lionblaze ate him. Graystripe, Bramebleclaw, Hollyleaf and Brackenfur then came back from a border patrol and looked around the camp to see everyone dead.

Lionblaze simply picked up a jar of peanut butter and beat the living sponge bobs out of them!

THE END YA BEAUTIFUL NARWHALES!

Author's Note:

To crackish? I think not….you know you 3 it. LOL should I be banned from doing crack fan fictions? Most likely.


	2. Chapter 2: SlumberParty!

WARNING!

A

EXTREME

CRACK

FANFICTION!

I mean really, Lionblaze and Darkstripe are having a slumber party! 0_o

"It's not fair!" Darkstripe then burst into tears and stuffed his face with strawberry ice-cream. Lionblaze then put on his blonde hair wig and applied lipstick, eyeliner and blush to his face. Yes, as stated in chapter 1 Lionblaze is a cross dresser. "I know, but it's going to be ok Darkstripe! Tigerstar was a strong cat who died as a yummy pile of jello! Mhm….jello…." Lionblaze then started drooling at the thought of jello as Darkstripe then cried even more and stuffed more strawberry ice-cream in his puffy cheeks of chipmunkish. "Common Darkstripe! You gotta get over him and find a new love! Were still young pretty girls, we got are looks, are curly hair, are cherry painted nails and manicures! We have are rosy cheeks and smexy ways!" Lionblaze then suddenly burst into song.

"I kissed a cat just to try it! The taste of his furry lips! It felt so odd and fuz-z-y don't mean i'm in love tonight!" It was Lionblaze's version of katy perry's song I kissed a girl. Yes Lionblaze was a katy cat. All the sudden the rest of the slumber party guest's arrived.

"Hey! Darkstripe! Good to see you! Your still not depressed over my dad's death right? Don't turn emo on us girl! Besides you could always date me!" Hawkfrost then batted his eyes covered in smoking eyeliner. "Am I the only one here who is straight?" Thistleclaw then raised a brow questioning the other's. He and Snowfur were together so he was pretty much the only straight guy at the slumber party. "Um….I'm not gay." Lionblaze answered Thistleclaw's question curling his blonde curls, batting his eye lashes. "Sure you are…." Thistleclaw answered with a smirk. "Am not!" Lionblaze then had a girly fit before storming off to Darkstripe's fridge and grabbing himself an entire thing of chocolate ice-cream. Lionblaze and Darkstripe then both pouted in the corner eating their ice-cream.

Mapleshade then entered Darkstripe's den. "Hey! Any room for a actually girl in this slumber party?!" Mapleshade then laughed and looked out to the guys cross dressing. Lionblaze then grabbed his ice-cream container and beated the living hello kitty's with pineapples and ketchup out of her! All the sudden Mapleshade's body stopped moving. "Oh McDonalds….I think you killed her!" Hawkfrost gasped in horror waving his arms around in a epic manner.

"We should most likely call the cops…." Thistleclaw suggested before Lionblaze got an evil grin on his face. "Lionblaze?" Thistleclaw asked raising a brow. "Maybe we should move this slumber party to my house to avoid trouble?" Hawkfrost suggested. Lionblaze then evilly grinned before saying. "No witnesses!" Hawkfrost then raised a brow before saying "Uh, Lionblaze? Were gonna have the slumber party at my den instead?" Lionblaze then eagerly nodded before saying "Yes! Let's have the slumber party at your house." Lionblaze then turned around and said with a insane look in his eyes "Yes, your house, no WITNESSES!" Thistleclaw then backed away slightly. "Uh, Lionblaze? You ok?" Lionblaze then turned to him and gave him a friendly smile before saying "Oh course I am feeling alright let's go!" He then turned his head slightly before saying. "I can't let the other's know that I am going to kill them all at Hawkfrost's house!" They all then looked at Lionblaze in horror and all said at once. "Your going to kill us?" Lionblaze then batted his eye lashes innocently before saying "What of course not! Let's just go!" Lionblaze then turned his head before saying "They must be mind readers I have to kill them all!" "Uh no, you just don't realize your saying all your thoughts out loud." Thistleclaw said horrified. "Are you feeling alright Thistleclaw because I don't know what your talking about? WHAT IS THIS! WHO IS THIS MASTERMIND!" "I am Thistleclaw, I help rule over the dark forest and one of the only straight cats here." "STOP READING MY MIND! YOUR TRYING TO TURN ME AGAINST MYSELF AND PROVE I AM INSANE! HE CAN'T FIGURE OUT THAT I AM THE ONE WHO ATE TIGERSTAR AND KILLED EVERYONE IN THUNDERCLAN WITH A JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER WITH THE POWER'S OF A PIKACHU!" "You have the power's of a pikachu?" Thistleclaw asked. "NOOOOOO STOP READING MY MIND GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Lionblaze screamed at him proving he wasn't sane. "Wow, Lionblaze! Your an idiot!" Said Lionblaze's imaginary friend Wendy. "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME WENDY!" Lionblaze cried out. Darkstripe, Thistleclaw and Hawkfrost then gave him their WTF faces. "Who are you talking to? Maybe your the one that's depressed not me." Said Darkstripe calmy baking away. "What are you talking about I am totally sane!" Chuckled Lionblaze to Darkstripe. "No your not! You do drugs and drink and have a smoking addiction! You raped a frog!" Wendy said to him then bursting into laughter remembering him raping a frog. "YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER MENTION I RAPED A FROG TO ANYONE WENDY!" Lionblaze cried out. "Who's Wendy and more interestingly you raped a frog?" Hawkfrost questioned him. "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! DIIIIIIIIIIIE!" Loonblaze then took out a mp3 and killed everyone.

All the sudden a pineapple appeared. Spongebob and Paatrick then left the pineapple and looked up at Lionblaze. "Hi there friend! Wanna blow bubbles with us! Say what's all this red sticky stuff? Is it ketchup? I should bring some of this ketchup to the Krusty Krab!" Spongebob exclaimed happily before bursting into his oh so creepy-happy laughter. "No witnesses…." Lionblaze muttered out in a whisper. "What do you mean no witnesses?" Patrick asked. Lionblaze then took out his mp3. "What's that? Is it a new type of bubble blower?" Spongebob asked.

Lionblaze then fled the scene. After he ate their body with actual ketchup…..and….JELLO?!

"DIE MY LITTLE BUNNY WUGGLY, CUDDLY, FUGGLY, FARTING MAGICAL PURPLE PONY!" Lionblaze then turned around to see Jayfeather. "I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU WITH MEH PEANUT BUTTER, SKITTLES AND PIKACHU POWERS!" Lionblaze gasped. "I PRETTY MUCH AM THE MAIN CHARCATER YOU STUPID PONY MAN! IT'S CALLED JAYFEATHER'S GET'S INTO THE CATNIP FOR A REASON! NOW DIIIIIIIE YOU BUTTERED UP PURPLE PONY OF BUBBLEGUM CHEESE!" Jayfeather yowled out like a mad man.

"I'll just come back to life because I'M A FRIGGIN BOSS!" Lionblaze cackled out. "YO MAMA SO FAT SHE GAVE YOU UP AT BIRTH NOW DIE!" jay feather then yowled out before grabbing his skittles and beating his head in. Before Lionblaze died he muttered out one last sentence. "We…are brothers….we….have the….same mom….fagg*t…" Lionblaze then died.

"YES WITH LIONBLAZE OUT OF THE WAY I CAN BECOME THE UNICORN RULER OF NARIA! MWHAHAHAHA! TASTE THE RAINBOW B*TCH!"

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Wow, this took 1:24:56 It wasn't even that long….well, this one was more based on Lionblaze and I think the first chapter was better but that's just me. I wasn't planning on making it a sequel but oh well that's life. This series is a complete crack fan fiction just so you know but if you want a better book series that has good details and is better written then check out on my fanfic page and read the rise of shadow clan or the little fox cub. Hint: The little fox cub isn't a one shot it'll be a whole series. Well I hoped you enjoy if you leave a review and follow/favourite the story you'll be 10 % more likely to be visited by a TALKING GUMMY BEAR!


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